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Jingle Hell! What Happens When Santa Goes Rogue?

Updated: Jan 20


The festive season is a time for family, friends, and naughty pick-up lines. Say what?

Imagine you’re walking down a snow-covered street lined with the most beautiful Christmas lights you’ve ever seen. Someone who jingles your bells appears and you begin to think of the most (in)appropriate pick-up lines you can come up with. We’ve asked the authors in the Hate to Want You boxset for theirs, and here’s what they came up with!

Cameron Hart: How about sitting on my lap and seeing what pops up?
BL Mute: I’ve checked twice and I’m sure you’re on my naughty list.
KB Cinder: I see when you’re sleeping; I know when you’re awake. I also know that I can do better than that vibrator, Courtney.

If you’re looking for one related to gifts, we’ve got some great ones for you!

Maya Riley: Hop in my sack, and I’ll show you the real magic of Christmas.
Cameron Hart: I’ve got something special in the sack for you.
KB Cinder: I’ll stuff more than just your stocking
Teri Schuffer: Let’s pretend to be presents and get laid under the tree.

Are they a fan of the elves? Nobody works harder than those guys.

KB Cinder: I’ll put my elf in your shelf.
KB Cinder: My elves aren’t the other ones that hammer away in the North Pole.
Elle Thorpe: I can tell you’re quite the elf-a male.

How about some bells and balls?

Becca Steele: If you jingle my bells I’ll come down your chimney.
Wanita May: Santa’s balls are hung just right.
Holly Renee: Do you like jingle bells? Because we could go all the way.
MV Ellis: Do you know why I always come through the chimney? Because I have more luck there than through the back door.
Becca Steele: I want to fill you up with my holiday spirit.
Sade Rena: Are you looking for a tree topper? Because I’ve been told I’m a star on top.
BL Mute: You can sit on this North Pole tonight.
Shaw Hart: Wanna scrooge?
Brantwijn Serrah: Twas the night before Christmas...do me.
Veronica Eden: Be good for Santa and he’ll make it good for you.

Now you'll never be able to think of, or look at Santa the same again. From the authors of the Hate to Want You boxset, you're welcome.

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